Did you know that the sexual relationship that a husband has with his wife is the most fun and satisfying thing he does? And that sex is his “greatest need?” Well, that’s the truth according to my husband! God had just a little different twist on the above statement and that was to give a married couple the highest ecstasy this life can offer. Shortly after He created Adam and Eve, He gave them this instruction in the book of Genesis, “Be fruitful and multiply…” You and I both know that there is only one way to do that. Yes, sex was God’s idea!

This is where man was given his sex drive and why a woman’s body is God’s exquisite handiwork. It’s wholesome and meant to be attractive to a man, that was His plan. Listen to how God had Solomon describe a beautiful woman in Song of Solomon 7:1-9 – NKJ.
“How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter! The curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful workman. Your navel is a rounded goblet; it lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat set about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes like the pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks toward Damascus.

Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel, and the hair of your head is like purple; a king is held captive by your tresses. How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights! This statue of yours is like a palm tree, and your breasts like its clusters. I said, ‘I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches.’ Let now your breasts be like clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and the roof of your mouth like the best wine.”

It’s quite obvious that this beautiful woman was attractive to her love. The Scriptures tell us what “attractive” is in 1st Peter 3:3-4 – NKJ says, “Do not let your adornment be merely the outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

Scripture calls women to develop an inward beauty in addition to making themselves pleasing to their husband’s eye. Don’t you as a woman feel better about yourself when you look good? Well, so does your husband, as he is sexually aroused by visual stimulation. A beautiful appearance will also invite your husband to touch you and hold you, giving you the affection you need for sexual stimulation.

Before we get into discussing the differences in husband’s and wives’ sexual makeup and needs, let’s first see what God commands of spouses regarding sex. We find it in 1st Corinthians 7:3-5 – NKJ. It reads, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another…”
I believe God gave these instructions because of the differences in husbands and wives sexuality and the potential those differences have to cause sexual and marital disharmony in our marriages. This is where husbands and wives find themselves not only on different pages, but sometimes in totally different books.

Some of the problems arising regarding sexual activity come from mutual ignorance about what the other person wants and needs from it. Men think it all comes naturally and are completely clueless about what a woman needs. They have no idea that unlike themselves, a woman heats up and cools down slowly like a burner on a stove. They then are upset when rejected the next time and consider alternatives that exclude their wives.

If a woman is never touched unless her husband wants to have sex, then she feels more like an object than a person he loves. She wonders how the man she loves is more like a light bulb, than a lover. Clap on, clap off, and then he’s snoring before she has a chance to even give him a gentle kiss.

Men move easily from attraction to a woman to wanting to be sexual with her, and maybe love will come later. But most women are first attracted to a man, and then move to feelings of love; later wanting to be sexual once determined he can be trusted.

Men have a sex drive, while women have a “craving-for-loving-attention” drive. I’m not saying that women aren’t interested in sex, just that they approach it differently. Men consider sex a physical act while women view it as an emotional act. Many women say they don’t feel loved by their husbands unless they are in the act.

These women never hear the words “I love you” except during sex. Their husbands never use romantic words or expressions to tell them they are desirable; never show interest in them as a person as opposed to a sex object. They’re never affectionate; never gently touch their wives, no hugs, no kisses and no holding, except during sex.

A husband may think it’s the actual penetration that his wife is motivated by and likes, when it isn’t. The mistaken idea is generated in his mind by her response to him during sex. She responds since it’s the only time she gets her husband’s full attention, acceptance and kindness. This isn’t what God intended.

It’s very easy to see why God gave us the instructions in 1st Corinthians chapter 7, because as we’ve learned, many misunderstandings can lead to the pulling away sexually from our spouses.

I once heard a saying, “A great lover is a man who can satisfy one woman all her life long and who can be satisfied by one woman all his life long. A great lover is not a man who goes from woman to woman, any dog can do that!” I believe this man had the heartbeat of God.